Letter 12 – Moving Forward

Dear Little One,

Oh, I miss you! I wish more than anything I could hug and kiss you right now! But if I could, I wouldn’t be writing this…

I want you to know that I still think of you. I haven’t given up on you yet, my little love. In fact, your dad and I have been talking a lot about IVF. I have been researching like crazy and trying to learn all I can about it. I’m not looking forward to all of the bills, shots, and doctor appointments, but if it brings us you, then it will all be worth it!

As it stands, we’re running into some issues with your dad’s job. I won’t go into the details, but it’s a real pain in the butt! We need that whole situation figured out so we can figure out the insurance coverage and how much, if anything, will be covered by his plan. Hopefully, we can have more answers by Thanksgiving!

I’m hoping to start consultations in February just because I like to be ahead of the game and know what to expect. I did an estimate tool online –which may or may not be super accurate– and it estimated our costs at almost $20,000 if everything ends up being out-of-pocket. EEK!! It’s hard not to let those things negatively impact me.

If everything goes according to schedule, we plan to start IVF in May. (God-willing!) That means we might be meeting you in March 2019! (Which sounds like an awfully long time to keep waiting!)

I know that God will make a way to get you to me… someway, somehow! I’m just trying to focus on that for the time-being.

The holidays are coming quickly and, of course, I ALWAYS think of you a lot this time of year. I can’t wait to make so many awesome memories with you, kiddo! We’re gonna have so much fun! I’m going to love you and love being your momma so much. I just know it.

Love,
MOM
XOXOX

Letter 10 – Preparations & Planning

Dear Little One,

Oh, my goodness. This process has been so hard. Much more difficult than I ever could have expected. We’re just past the 34 month mark of this journey and I honestly don’t know how to process that it’s almost been 3 full years. For some people with similar struggles 3 years was just the beginning. I hope that’s not the case for us. I don’t know how well I could wait another 3 or 4 years for your arrival. I’m already so impatient!

Your dad and I have spoken a little more about how we plan to proceed in conceiving you. I think we’ve safely settled on In Vitro Fertilization (aka IVF). It’s a very expensive procedure so we most likely won’t be able to start that until next year, at the earliest. We’re aiming for late next summer; that way, if we’re successful, you’ll be born in the spring. I hope you’re born in April or May when it’s warm and lovely. Before the awful heat of summer kicks in. Then, again… maybe God will bring you before we go through IVF. He certainly can.

In any case, I’m trying to prepare for you in the only way I can right now. I’m trying to eat healthier and make some changes physically so that the pregnancy when/if it does come will be easier on my body. I want to make my body a safe place for you to grow and be well-care for. So far, I’ve given up all alcohol. I’ve added way more fruit and veggies and I’ve been working on cutting down on coffee and caffeine. (That’s the hardest part!)

I just want you to know that I haven’t forgotten about you. Your dad and I are working really hard to remodel this house we’re in so we can, hopefully, make a good profit when we sell. That’s going to be our IVF money. (Your dad’s idea!) You should see him. He is working so hard to make all of our dreams come true and to find a way to bring you to us. I love seeing how much he wants you too! We both are so ready to be parents.

I can hardly wait for you…

I love you,

MOM

Letter 1 – Intro

Dear Little One,

It’s been just short of two years since your father and I started this journey. I know your dad had his reservations about having babies. I know he has always wanted you, but with his FAP disease he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take the risk that he could pass it on to you. After many talks between me, your dad, and Nana and Papa… we decided to go for it. (Mainly, I know that God is in control and whatever will happen, will happen, but your dad is much more cautious than me, I guess.) Even though your dad has FAP, it doesn’t seem to hold him back from much… other than binging on pizza and popcorn. Haha! And the same thing goes for your Papa and Uncle Justin. Although, your uncle does have a more severe case than your dad does.

Anyhow… every month since September 2014, when we started this journey, our anticipation and eagerness to become parents has only increased. (Especially mine!) Your dad talks about you and his hopes for you. He’s so ready to be a daddy and you are SO lucky because he is going to be a great one! I admit, this process has been hard for me. I have been waiting and praying for you since I was a little girl myself! I can’t wait to become your mom! Sometimes I get impatient and frustrated that you’re not here yet, but I know that God’s timing is perfect. And he’ll send you into our lives at just the right time.

I don’t know how it’s possible, but I already love you so much. I dream about you. In most of my dreams, you’re a girl. (Only once were you a boy!) Even your dad –who NEVER remembers his dreams– had a dream about you once and you were a girl in his dream too! That was the only time in the 5 years I’ve been with your dad that he ever remembered a dream and shared it with me. So that should say something!

One of the things I am most excited for is telling all of the family and our friends that you are on your way. If nothing else, I want you to know how deeply and immensely loved you will be. Of course your dad and I will love you, but our family and friends talk about how they can’t wait for us to have a baby. Your Papa teases me about it regularly. Him and Nana love Gavin and Bryce so much and they are beyond ready for another grandbaby. Mimi and Pawpaw ask about you a lot too. And I know your Aunt Ashley can’t wait for Kaylee to have a cousin to play with. And by the way, I think you are going to love your cousins! Bryce is kind of quiet sometimes, but he can also be really fun and goofy. Gavin is the same way, but he’s definitely much more active and playful. You’ll have your hands full with those boys! Kaylee is fun and spirited and such a character! I have no doubt you’ll be close. Hopefully, she doesn’t take after Aunt Ashley when she’s a teenager… You’ll find out why when you’re older!

Anyhow, I need to get going to work now. I hope whenever and wherever you read this that you’re having a wonderful day.

I love you.

Mom