Letter 13 – Moving mountains

Dear Little One,

I just wanted to say hello and let you know how things are going. First, your dad finally has a timeline for his job and the insurance. We found out that as of January 4th, his insurance should be active. I’m really excited about this because this means that we can start moving forward!!

I plan to call this week and schedule a consult with 2 of the local clinics to compare pricing and plans and all of that. I’m going to schedule them for the middle of January. The reason I am calling now is because most of the time these clinics have long wait times and it can easily be a month before you can even be scheduled. Because I am impatient, I want to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible. (You know how I am!)

Something else really cool happened, your dad found out he’s getting a raise! So our finances should be in a better position when we do have the extra expenses IVF will undoubtedly bring.

I’m so giddy with excitement. God has really been preparing us for this journey ahead and I couldn’t be more thankful for how he has been walking me through this season of waiting. I hope you know that God has been working this whole time to get you to us in just the right way and at just the right time. I believe that wholeheartedly. God told me last week that He is going to bring you to us in such a way that it will be undeniably through his doing and he will get the glory. I’m just waiting to see how he writes your story, Little One. It’s already got the most beautiful preface!

I met your Aunt Destiny for coffee yesterday. I just can’t help but think of all the wonderful memories you’ll make with her! A few weeks ago she texted me that she can’t wait to hold you in her arms. My heart hurts in just the right way when she says things like that. I love that you’re not even conceived yet, and your story is already touching people. That’s the most magical thing of all! Oh, my sweet child, whenever you read this… I hope you know in your very core that God has made you with a very special purpose and that you devote your entire life to finding and fulfilling it. I hope someday you have faith that moves mountains! God knows, he’s moved so many just to get you to us!

With every bit of my heart, I love you.

XOXOX,

MOM

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Letter 8 – A Pause

Dear Little One,

It’s been a little while since my last letter so I wanted to take some time to catch you up.

The last couple of months have been very challenging for your dad and I individually. Your dad lost his job on January 25th due to his position being eliminated by the company employing him. It took him almost a month to start another job. He goes to work every day and it pays the bills, but he really doesn’t feel fulfilled there and it’s taking a toll on him. Still, he does it. I know it’s hard on him, but the man has more work ethic in his pinky than I do in my totality. That’s just how he is. I love and admire him for it. He really is a good man!

So, your dad has had it rough professionally and I’m not working at all. I haven’t worked since November. It’s hard and frustrating because I really expected to be a practicing counselor by now with at least a few consistent clients, but… God apparently had other plans. I’m still looking for work and praying that God opens a door somewhere soon!

As a result of our unstable financial situation, we’ve stopped actively trying to get pregnant. It is necessary right now, but also very challenging. Nothing has changed as far as I am concerned and I still want you as much as (if not more than!) before. I still think about you often.

I have started to consider the possibility that you may not be coming to us biologically. This is something I had never really thought much about before now. I still don’t know what God has up his sleeves, so to speak.

I just want you to know, my sweet child, that I haven’t given up on you and I don’t know that I ever could. My heart longs for the day I get to gaze upon your precious face and stare into your lovely eyes and hold you tightly in my arms. That is what I wait for. That expectation is what keeps me holding on through the most trying of times in this journey.

I love you.

XOXOX,
Mom