Letter 11 – An Umbrella Story

Dear Little One,

I have to tell you about something that happened. I will do my best to articulate this, but my words often fail me when trying to communicate the intricate ways God works with me. Here goes…

Back in January of this year, I felt that God was telling me to do something as an act of faith regarding you. I decided to start crocheting a baby blanket. (I wrote about it in Letter 7.) Shortly after I began that project, I felt a little foolish–and crazy–for crocheting a blanket for a child that doesn’t yet exist. Within a couple of days, I happened upon a Facebook post from one of the infertility bloggers I follow. Here’s what it said:

Friends, I have done this before and I think it deserves a repeating. You see, it’s Josiah Day (see link below), but unlike last month when I ventured down the baby aisles, I didn’t go down them this time to just pray. It wasn’t enough for me this time. Because once upon a time I heard that prayer is asking for rain; but faith? Well, faith is after you pray, you carry around an umbrella. It’s having one with you even when you don’t see a cloud in the sky. It’s sticking one in your purse even on the days there isn’t a drop forecasted. And it’s opening one up even when all hope for needing it is lost. Friend, it’s basically being expectant; but not just with words, but in action. And so today, after I prayed I decided to purchase an “umbrella;” however not for me, because I have lots of umbrellas from previous Josiah Day’s. But instead I wanted to purchase one for you…

Because even now before your miracle happens, I want you to have a baby blanket to hold while you pray earnestly for the moment you are wrapping them up tight after a sweet bubble bath. I want you to bathe your scent in these soft cuddly toys for the day they will need them when you are not near. I want you to have a book so that you can start practicing for when the time comes and you are reading to them each night before they sleep. I want you to have these packages of Kleenexes for that moment you see your long awaited answered prayer for the first time and you are finally able to count their tiny fingers and watch them wiggle their tiny toes. And that chocolate? It’s for now. Or later. I’ll let you decide.

Sweet sister, I have prayed for rain and now I am buying you an umbrella for the down pour. Because I have faith to believe that He hears, He knows and He will answer. I don’t know when, or how, or in what way, but isn’t that faith? It’s asking for rain and then carrying around an umbrella…

 

To read more about Josiah Day click here —> https://waitingforbabybird.com/whats-josiah-day/

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I felt validated. I felt encouraged. And I persisted until your blanket was complete.

Fast forward to last week. On Monday, I was randomly thinking about my aunt, Denise. I don’t think I’ve told you about her yet, but she’s Mimi’s youngest sister. Denise and I were very close growing up because she was more like an older sister to me. Anyhow, I sent her a text simply saying, “I love you.” The next morning she replied with an odd story about umbrellas. Her text said:

I love you!! The short version of the story…
A farming town needed rain for their crops, so they decided to have a prayer meeting. The preacher got in front of the crowd and told them to all go home before they even started praying. When the crowd asked why, the preacher told them if they didn’t believe enough to bring their umbrellas, they didn’t need to pray. 

I believe for you. I will continue to pray. I love you super mucho!

I didn’t really “get it”, that is, until Friday. A card showed up in the mail from Florida. When I opened it, she wrote inside explaining that she heard a sermon on “NOW faith” and thought of me and felt convinced she should do something to show her faith in God’s provision of our miracle. (That’s you!) Inside, she included a gift card to Walmart for us to go get an “umbrella”. I linked her story to the Facebook post I remembered. On top of that, early Friday morning, in my prayer time I was praying for God to show his love to me in a new way and was reminded of God’s presence in weather. The Holy Spirit led me to this verse:

God thunders marvelously with his voice; He does great things that we cannot comprehend. (Job 37:5 HCSB)

It was all a little TOO coincidental, for me, to be just a coincidence. That was Friday.

Yesterday, I was in my morning quiet time and the Holy Spirit said to me “El Shaddai”. I had heard that term as one of the names of God, but didn’t know what it meant.  My research showed me that the first time El Shaddai is mentioned in the bible, it is referring to “the promise” of Abraham… for fertility and to conceive a child. I felt that that was further confirmation. El Shaddai means “All-Sufficient One” which is interesting because when I received the terrible news from our fertility doctor, God spoke the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9 to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

So… I sent your dad a message while he was at work and told him I wanted to go to Walmart and spend the gift card we got. He was on board. Last night, your dad and I had dinner and then ventured to the store and picked out a diaper bag. It was the easiest purchase! Haha! I said, “What about a diaper bag?” He said, “Sure.” I picked up one and asked his opinion and your dad said, “No, that’s too small.” So I grabbed another one and he liked it. So we got it. It was so fun to do that together!! I’ve bought other things for you… fabric I like and 1 blanket, but having your dad there with me and contributing input was so special to me. It felt real. A diaper bag is like… REAL. It’s a necessity. It’s obviously a diaper bag so it’s not something I could use for something else. I can’t really explain it, but I am so glad we got it. I’m also so happy that I have people in my life who are helping me to “carry the torch” of faith.

Anyhow, I kept the card to add to your memory box.

I gotta say, kiddo, I’m feeling really good about this. I’m believing that God is going to do something awesome. I’m feeling a little nearer to you after all of this. I’m so looking forward to your arrival!

Until then…

I love you!

MOM
xoxox

 

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Letter 7 – Baby Blanket

Dear Little One,

Where are you, my little love? My heart hurts because it misses you so deeply. I don’t know how that is possible when I’ve never had you in the first place, but I do. So badly.

I think about you on the regular. Practically every day! Sometimes more than once a day…

I have to tell you something, Little One. I started making you a blanket. I started crocheting it on January 21st, I think. It’s almost done. This is the first actual crochet project I’ve ever made. It makes sense it would be for you. It’s white, coral, lime green, and aqua. I hope you love it. Coral is one of my favorite colors. Coral and lime were two of the wedding colors in me and your dad’s wedding too. I wanted colors that were bright and colorful, but not overly feminine. You may wonder why… it’s because when I think of you… I always see a girl. I also see a girl who is lovely and sweet and soft, but also playful and a little rugged. If you’re anything like your dad and me, you’ll most definitely be an independent and strong-willed kid. I want you to embrace femininity and girlyness, but also completely capable of standing on your own two feet. Your dad talks about taking you fishing and hunting and teaching you how to build things–traditionally those activities are for boys, but you’re dad and I aren’t traditional! Haha! I hope you are beautiful inside and out, intelligent, wise, loving, generous, kind, empathic, determined, and passionate. I hope you are fearless and fully devoted to God. I feel like you’ll bring so much joy and laughter to our world and that you’ll leave beautiful fingerprints of love on every soul you meet. I want you to be a light in a very dark world. Nothing would make me prouder.

I can’t wait to start this journey with you, kid. I can’t wait to meet you and watch you grow into an amazing person. I hope I’ll be as good of a mom to you as I plan to be. I hope you go to bed every single night knowing just how much you are loved, my child. You are.

Love,

MOM
xoxox