Consult Day – part 2

Dear Little One,

I never finished that first post but let me tell you how things have been progressing the last month.

My first IVF consult was difficult. The short version is that the Doctor told me I had a “low ovarian reserve” meaning I have fewer eggs remaining than a woman my age should have. This was hard news to hear and I definitely felt like we had been dealt another blow.

After this consult, I spent about a week in prayer as to what the next step would be.

Three weeks after Consult #1, was Consult #2 that I had already scheduled months ago in case I wanted a second opinion. For the record, I am SO glad I did that!!

Consult #2, was much better than the first. The doctor was very kind and helpful and I liked her personality a lot more. I ended up going back to that clinic the following day because she wanted to perform an ultrasound and get some blood work done. Great news! All of my blood work and my ultrasound… everything was where it should be! I DO NOT have a low ovarian reserve after all. Thank the Lord!

Since then, I have just been waiting and working. Lol. Your dad and I are really trying to make headway on the house projects so we can move forward and sell the house. We are really REALLY hoping to get the house listed and sold by June so we can start IVF.

Can I tell you a secret? I think you are coming to us soon! Maybe it’s just being hopeful and maybe I’ll be wrong, but I just have this feeling that you are going to be born in the spring… like March or April. (I’ve always wanted my first baby in the spring!)

I really have been wrestling with this name Lily because–while I do love it–it’s SO common. Although, I just keep coming back to this feeling that you’ll be born around Easter and–if that’s the case–Lily is pretty perfect. I think of Easter lilies. Your dad is super allergic to their pollen, but I just love what they represent. And Easter! Easter is celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ. It is literally about bringing promises of hope, life, redemption, and restoration.

This is the origin of the word “Easter”, which seems completely appropriate as well…
Old English Easterdæg, from Eastre (Northumbrian Eostre), from Proto-Germanic *austron-, “dawn,” also the name of a goddess of fertility and spring, perhaps originally of sunrise, whose feast was celebrated at the spring equinox, from *aust- “east, toward the sunrise” (compare east), from PIE root *aus- (1) “to shine,” especially of the dawn.

Anyhow, I think it would be perfectly poetic for you to be born around Easter. So, you and God should have a talk and see if we can’t all get on the same agenda on this. Haha! 🙂

Something else encouraging happened. Your aunt, Destiny, had a dream about you. She said you looked wise and had these eyes that she was just caught up in. She said you knew her and said her name and everything. She said you had blue eyes.

Lately, when I think of you, I imagine this little girl with long brown hair and piercing turquoise eyes. I imagine you’ll have your father’s dimples and my giggle. I imagine you’ll be our wildflower and have this amazingly sage-like quality to you. I ran around barefooted so much of my childhood and I think you’ll probably do the same…

I just have to say, “I love you.” Whoever you are and however you look… I will love you just the same.

Come soon, sweet child.



Letter 14 – Seeing the signs

Dear Little One,

I’m thinking about you so much lately. More than usual even!

I know you will know that I have wanted you every second of my life, but I have to say, there is a silver lining in this waiting process. The great thing is that God has used this time to prepare me for the day you come. He has been growing me so much lately and helping me to become more of the woman it’s going to take to be a good mom for you. He has also been growing your dad a lot too, even though he may not realize it. I think he’s making sure we will be the best parents we can possibly be. He’s showing me how to be patient, how to be more generous, how to be fully present and enjoy the little things. All of those, undoubtedly, will come in handy when I FINALLY get to meet you.

I also wanted to tell you that I was able to schedule the consultation appointments for January and I couldn’t be more thrilled!

Something else really cool happened… On Sunday, I got a random message from a woman I used to work with back in 2014 & 2015. She is a Christian. Anyhow, she asked me to call her because she’d lost my cell number. So I did. She told me that she’d had a dream about me the night before. In the dream, she and I were driving and she was telling me that God had told her that my baby (you!) were coming soon and I should prepare the nursery as an act of faith.

Crazy, right?! She told me it was odd that she would dream of me so she took it as a sign that God wanted to use her to tell me this. I just laughed a little. I don’t think she knows about any of the other stuff that’s happened in the last year that has also confirmed what she said! It was just a little overwhelming for me.

After I got off the phone, I told your dad about the conversation and he said, “Not TOO soon!” He is worried about you, kiddo. Maybe more than me! He wants to make sure you don’t inherit his medical issues. He’s afraid that God will send you to us before we can do IVF and you’ll have his FAP stuff. BUT…you and I both know that God can do ANYTHING. I don’t think that’s how it’s going to happen at all. I have faith that God has a very special plan for you and for how he’s going to bring you to us. He has sent sign after sign after sign confirming that he is about to move. I’M READY! Whether it’s today or this summer or whenever… I’m excited to meet you, kid! I can’t wait to see how this story goes…

I love you.


Letter 5 – Another Dream

Dear Little One,

I had another dream. It was short and simple, but it was wonderful.

I had a dream that I was in a room talking with a little girl. She was maybe 4 or 5 with a round baby face and brown hair that had a slight red tinge to it. She was adorable and talkative. In the midst of talking with her, I realized I was pregnant and that this little girl was my future child. When I came to that realization, I silently prayed, “Lord, if this is my child and if I’m pregnant, tell her to have me name her Lily.” I, then, asked the little girl, “What name do you want me to give you?” She smiled and said, “Lily.” Then, I rubbed my belly and thanked God for giving me that.

I woke up with that name going through my mind over and over.

It made me smile. It brought some hope, which I’ve been lacking a little. I feel like this dream might have been from God. I hope he’s telling me that he’ll bring you to me soon. It was so real. Almost like I could touch her.

If you’re reading this… and you’re a girl… you’ll know why I named you Lily. Because the Lord told me in a dream to name you that.

Oh my precious little one! How I long to see you! To hold you! To look into your sweet face and kiss your little cheeks! I am thankful for this dream, but it only makes the hole all the more painful. I pray that the Lord sends you to me and your dad soon.

I want you to know that we already have a room picked for you… and painted. I also know how we’ll decorate it! I bought some fabric to make into blankets or bibs or other things for you. I imagine sitting in that room and rocking you to sleep or feeding you. I imagine watching you play and reading you bedtime stories. I wonder when those days will come.

I love you, sweet baby. Already. I know that it sounds crazy, but I already feel a connection to you. I hope you know I love you more than words can say. Come soon, little one.

I love you.